Tonight we all gathered around the living room with the Christmas tree lit and candles burning throughout. It was a peaceful setting and peace is what I was looking for. With lots of little ones it can be challenging to have everyone sit quiet for a Bible story and verse memorization and prayer.
While changing Maleah in the back of the house, Keith must have asked the kids what there favorite thing about Christmas was. I missed the answers, but walked in just as the question was being altered by one of our children to, "What is our favorite thing that we want for Christmas?" Ah, just like us to turn Christmas back into "all about me" mentality. They went around the room answering from the youngest to the oldest.
Then came my turn. "What do you really want for Christmas, Mama?" I knew what they wanted me to answer with. They wanted me to say a new dress, stuff for the kitchen, etc...Those things would be nice, but I couldn't shake the thoughts of what I feel like God has been speaking to me in the last few weeks. Maybe even the last few years.
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made. In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it." John 1:1-5
Santa Clause, Frosty, candy canes, Jingle Bells, gifts, gifts, gifts, debt, debt, debt (for so many), pressure, stress, busyness, feelings of loss and only memories to hold on to. Christmas parties with cakes and candy. Cantatas and the Nutcracker. Special times with family and friends. Surprises and disappointments for what was given and what was not. Holly jolly moments and moments of deep depression. Christmas miracles, perhaps only noticed during this time that something "higher" was responsible. My mind goes on and on.
As the Lord allows me to pull all of these things back, though many are fun and harmless, I realize that it is only about one thing. I have let all of the these things cloud my vision. In this dark state that I found myself in over 20 years ago and sometimes fall back in to, the light has been shining and I do not comprehend it. Because really isn't this "Christmas Season" that we get so excited about and celebrate the birth of Jesus supposed to be more than a season, but our very life lived out every day in surrender and obedience to Christ? A life lived in excitement and celebration for the one we call Savior?
"Mama.....what do you want for Christmas?"
"I want peace and simplicity. I want this time to be all about Jesus and not about us." What I didn't say, but wish that I had is that I want to give to Him this year.
"But, Mama, what do you really want?"
"That is what I really want."